If you've read further down than the first page or so, you know that I'm struggling about working. I truly believe that a mother's place is in the home. If God hadn't meant for us to RAISE the children, he wouldn't have designed it so that we HAVE the children.
When the opportunity came up for me to take over the administrative assistant position at the Fire Department, I went back and forth with it. Larry was working, but we still NEEDED the money. Not to buy "things," but to live. To buy food. Clothing. Essentials. We were paying the bills, barely, but rapidly working through our stockpile of food.
I prayed about it. I talked to Larry about it. I agonized over the decision, and finally took the job. And still I agonized about it. And felt guilt. A very wise commenter to this blog pointed out that I wasn't working for things, I was working for need, and maybe the job being put in front of me was God's provision.
I'm a big believer in God's provision. I have this "just enough" theory. See, when Larry went to school and we were living on student loans, life was OK. Not great, but OK. But then two weeks went by without him finding a job after school. The class had been told that a lot of them would be hired by our local company. He had top grades in his class, was local, has good references, and we figured (assumed, oh, I see the error), that he was a shoo in for the job. But the company hired NO ONE. It took him five weeks to find a job. And, of course, another few weeks to get paid.
I used the last of our potatoes to fix dinner on the Thursday night before he got paid. We had just enough. God made sure we had just enough. God provided just enough. God provides.
So that comment about this job being God's way of providing eased some of my feelings about working (although none of my guilt at leaving the littles in daycare). I started October 1. Larry got laid off at his job in mid December. If I hadn't have been working, we'd have been homeless.
But still I wrestle with it. I guess, maybe, I'm not seeing much of God's provision right now. I know it's there, if I look for it, but I'm getting frustrated. Larry is getting depressed because he hasn't been called back to work-and he hasn't found another job. He's hopeful of getting one after his EMT class is finished, but by the time he takes his national registry test, we're looking at another three months before he would be hired, if he even is. And I hate to see him depressed. I know that the root of his depression is his need to be the provider for our family. He needs to be that guy. The guy that takes care of his family, not the guy dependent on his wife to put food on the table. It hurts him inside to be dependent on my income. And to see him hurting, hurts me.
And I don't know how to help. I don't know how to show him that my faith in him hasn't wavered. I have faith that he will find a job. I have faith that he is still the provider that he always was. But it's hard to have faith that God's provision will continue. I feel like we've done something wrong. Well, I know we've done wrong things, because we can never attain perfection, but I do wonder why we are going through this. I'm not sure how free will plays into this-which is the answer I get when I ask people more knowledgeable than I questions like "Why do babies get cancer?" That free will plays into that-that we as a people are paying the price for the free will decisions we made earlier in life. I try to tell Larry, and show him, that I have faith in him, but I'm not sure that my affirmations are helping him. And I don't know what else to do.
He has his good days and his bad days. I want him to have all good days, but again, I don't know how to help. If I tell him too often, it will cease to have meaning, or, even worse, he will interpret it as harping-like the invisible "but". As in "I know you'll find a job soon, babe (to which he adds "but..." whatever negativity he's swimming in, in his head)" I don't infer a but. I don't feel a but. I hope I don't infer a but. But I'm pretty sure he hears the but, when all I want to do is build him up.
So I'm frustrated, and wanting him to be confident and assured, but it's like he's in a downward spiral right now. He won't be confident until he finds a job, but in a county where unemployment has quadrupled since late November, that's hard to do, and that's nothing to do with him. When you have 300 people applying for one position, well, odds certainly aren't in your favor.
Anyway, the man is home, safely, from the weather, and I think I'm going to drag him to bed. Guess I'll wrestle more tomorrow-cause this really isn't where I was going when I started writing this post.
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Large Families
Those of you that have truly large families will laugh at the size of my large family. We have five children. Those of you that read me know this. In "society", I guess is how to put it, we have a large family. We get those looks that you're familiar with if you have a large family. I can only imagine how many more we would get if/when we have more children.
Living in a primarily Catholic community, though, I probably get less of those looks than a lot of large families. We get a lot of little old ladies telling us what a blessing our children are (to which we heartily agree, and give thanks!), and more, mostly women, commenting on what lovingly full hands we must have. I do love those comments. Lovingly full is good.
We do get some negatives. We took Aimee in for her school physical a few years back, and we decided to try a new doc. Ours had taken another position at a private company. Anyway, most families here go to a doc in Pueblo that we're really not comfortable with. They have the "assembly line" approach to doctor's visits. Come in, spend five minutes with an anonymous doc cause they have so many that you never see the same one twice, even if you request a specific one, and then say something quick about growth rates and eating habits, and then lecture for the remaining 2.5 minutes about vaccinations.
So, anyway, we go through the phone book. It's a school physical, really can't be screwed up, and we were in the market for a new doc. So we find a clinic in Walsenburg who's name has something to do with FAMILY. I can't remember the whole name. But family was in there. That tells me they have experience with kidlets and welcome them as patients. So we go. We ALL go. Jessica took us, so add Jamie to the mix. We go in and there are only elderly patients in the waiting room. Not that I have anything against elderly patients, or elderly people, for that matter, but not much FAMILY at the FAMILY doc.
We check in, and go find seats. The kids immediately beeline for the toys, which are mostly broken happy meal rejects. Well, OK, small town, lots of medicaid/medicare, I can understand that. Since my kids don't get happy meals often, even the rejects are new toys for them, so they eagerly play with them, and, being kids, make noise as they play. Cheerful, playing noise. FAMILY noise. Not banshee screeching or war cries or other assorted non-family noises.
We find out the doc is running late. Way late. Now, we scheduled an early appointment so we would have the kids out the door before the wanting lunch and getting tired crabbies set in. You've been there. Kids are hungry and starting to get tired, so their attention span drops to about 3.4 seconds. Had the doc been on time, we'd have been safely home before that happened.
By the time Aimee even got called back for the preliminary stuff, the crabbies are starting to rear their ugly heads. We still haven't progressed to banshee screeching or war cries, but probably another half an hour, at most, is what we would be granted, before we did get to the beginnings of that point. So, being the smart mommies that we are, Jessica and I decided to take the kids out to the van to wait. In the van are snacks, which will at least ward off the hungry crabbies, and no one to bother with the getting tired crabbies. I mean, this is a normal childhood behavior, right? Judging from the children I ran into when I worked the late shift at King Soopers back a bazillion years ago, most children get the tired crabbies. Anyway, I digress (me? noooooooo!). But why does it annoy people so bad when kids get tired and crabby? After all, it wasn't our fault that the doc was late.
Anyway, as we're picking up the happy meal reject toys and gathering our stuff to head out to the van, the receptionist says "Can you please keep your kids quieter?" I say "We're heading out to the van now." She then tells me to take the kids (including a toddler boy and an almost toddler girl) to play in the front yard of the library right behind them. The unfenced yard of the library that fronts the business loop of the highway with a speed limit of 40. That's where I want my kids to play, yup.
Umm...where, exactly, did the doctor's office lose the focus on "family" that is in their very name. If they don't want kids in their office, they should stop billing themselves as a family doctor. Yes, children are loud and sometimes distracting, despite our best efforts. We are training them to be adults, but as anyone knows, training goes roughly in the early days. At the point at which they surpassed normal kid noises, I removed them from the situation.
Am I out of line to think that a family business of any type, should expect that families will consist of young children who will act like, well, young children? It's one thing if my kids are pulling stuff off the shelf at Safeway. It's another altogether if they are making car noises while sitting in the toy car shopping cart.
Let's put it like this: I wouldn't take my kids into an antique store. I wouldn't take my kids into a restaurant that requires reservations. And while I do consider the grocery store to be a family type business, I wouldn't let them pull things off the shelf or scream like banshees. Of course, if I'm there when they're tired, that's on me. I should schedule my day better, so they can be out of there to, well, act like tired children act. But if I do take my kids to the store, and the check out line is an hour long, and the kids are fussing by the time we get to the cashier, well, I've made that effort, and the business needs to understand that. And most businesses that cater to families do.
All children are a blessing. And training is an ongoing task. It requires repetition, and children, being, well, children, will test their boundaries, requiring further training.
Anyway, my intent was not to rant. It was simply to discuss the inequalities that larger families have. That most of the time, aside from a look or a comment that probably wasn't really intended to hurt, that I don't really have to deal with. I was going to talk about the difficulty in our daily walk with God. See, I heard this pastor on the radio today, talking about how people don't struggle to walk with God. They just screw up, then ask for forgiveness again. And that's not how it works. You have to work at it. Now, the walk itself is work. I've talked about my own struggles with submission. Boy, it's hard. And yeah, I do screw up. I'm not perfect. No one is. But I do consciously make the effort to submit to God's will. I mean, in that area, I really have no choice. God's will, will win every time, one way or the other. But one can choose to not be judgemental, or to not gossip, etc. Rather than being so and then asking forgiveness, one has to make the conscious choice to not do it. And trusting God with your fertility is one of those things. One has to make a conscious choice to let God be in charge.
I'll tell you why that scares most people. Kids are expensive. But very rarely do I hear families saying "I can't afford this." Most of the time what I hear are stories of God's provision. I posted a long time ago about "Just enough." And often that's how it works. No, you probably won't be living in a huge house with enough bathrooms and plenty of room and always have the newest bestest this or that. But you will have "just enough." If you only put that faith and trust in God.
K, I'm done now, and so are the dishes, so I'm heading to bed.
Living in a primarily Catholic community, though, I probably get less of those looks than a lot of large families. We get a lot of little old ladies telling us what a blessing our children are (to which we heartily agree, and give thanks!), and more, mostly women, commenting on what lovingly full hands we must have. I do love those comments. Lovingly full is good.
We do get some negatives. We took Aimee in for her school physical a few years back, and we decided to try a new doc. Ours had taken another position at a private company. Anyway, most families here go to a doc in Pueblo that we're really not comfortable with. They have the "assembly line" approach to doctor's visits. Come in, spend five minutes with an anonymous doc cause they have so many that you never see the same one twice, even if you request a specific one, and then say something quick about growth rates and eating habits, and then lecture for the remaining 2.5 minutes about vaccinations.
So, anyway, we go through the phone book. It's a school physical, really can't be screwed up, and we were in the market for a new doc. So we find a clinic in Walsenburg who's name has something to do with FAMILY. I can't remember the whole name. But family was in there. That tells me they have experience with kidlets and welcome them as patients. So we go. We ALL go. Jessica took us, so add Jamie to the mix. We go in and there are only elderly patients in the waiting room. Not that I have anything against elderly patients, or elderly people, for that matter, but not much FAMILY at the FAMILY doc.
We check in, and go find seats. The kids immediately beeline for the toys, which are mostly broken happy meal rejects. Well, OK, small town, lots of medicaid/medicare, I can understand that. Since my kids don't get happy meals often, even the rejects are new toys for them, so they eagerly play with them, and, being kids, make noise as they play. Cheerful, playing noise. FAMILY noise. Not banshee screeching or war cries or other assorted non-family noises.
We find out the doc is running late. Way late. Now, we scheduled an early appointment so we would have the kids out the door before the wanting lunch and getting tired crabbies set in. You've been there. Kids are hungry and starting to get tired, so their attention span drops to about 3.4 seconds. Had the doc been on time, we'd have been safely home before that happened.
By the time Aimee even got called back for the preliminary stuff, the crabbies are starting to rear their ugly heads. We still haven't progressed to banshee screeching or war cries, but probably another half an hour, at most, is what we would be granted, before we did get to the beginnings of that point. So, being the smart mommies that we are, Jessica and I decided to take the kids out to the van to wait. In the van are snacks, which will at least ward off the hungry crabbies, and no one to bother with the getting tired crabbies. I mean, this is a normal childhood behavior, right? Judging from the children I ran into when I worked the late shift at King Soopers back a bazillion years ago, most children get the tired crabbies. Anyway, I digress (me? noooooooo!). But why does it annoy people so bad when kids get tired and crabby? After all, it wasn't our fault that the doc was late.
Anyway, as we're picking up the happy meal reject toys and gathering our stuff to head out to the van, the receptionist says "Can you please keep your kids quieter?" I say "We're heading out to the van now." She then tells me to take the kids (including a toddler boy and an almost toddler girl) to play in the front yard of the library right behind them. The unfenced yard of the library that fronts the business loop of the highway with a speed limit of 40. That's where I want my kids to play, yup.
Umm...where, exactly, did the doctor's office lose the focus on "family" that is in their very name. If they don't want kids in their office, they should stop billing themselves as a family doctor. Yes, children are loud and sometimes distracting, despite our best efforts. We are training them to be adults, but as anyone knows, training goes roughly in the early days. At the point at which they surpassed normal kid noises, I removed them from the situation.
Am I out of line to think that a family business of any type, should expect that families will consist of young children who will act like, well, young children? It's one thing if my kids are pulling stuff off the shelf at Safeway. It's another altogether if they are making car noises while sitting in the toy car shopping cart.
Let's put it like this: I wouldn't take my kids into an antique store. I wouldn't take my kids into a restaurant that requires reservations. And while I do consider the grocery store to be a family type business, I wouldn't let them pull things off the shelf or scream like banshees. Of course, if I'm there when they're tired, that's on me. I should schedule my day better, so they can be out of there to, well, act like tired children act. But if I do take my kids to the store, and the check out line is an hour long, and the kids are fussing by the time we get to the cashier, well, I've made that effort, and the business needs to understand that. And most businesses that cater to families do.
All children are a blessing. And training is an ongoing task. It requires repetition, and children, being, well, children, will test their boundaries, requiring further training.
Anyway, my intent was not to rant. It was simply to discuss the inequalities that larger families have. That most of the time, aside from a look or a comment that probably wasn't really intended to hurt, that I don't really have to deal with. I was going to talk about the difficulty in our daily walk with God. See, I heard this pastor on the radio today, talking about how people don't struggle to walk with God. They just screw up, then ask for forgiveness again. And that's not how it works. You have to work at it. Now, the walk itself is work. I've talked about my own struggles with submission. Boy, it's hard. And yeah, I do screw up. I'm not perfect. No one is. But I do consciously make the effort to submit to God's will. I mean, in that area, I really have no choice. God's will, will win every time, one way or the other. But one can choose to not be judgemental, or to not gossip, etc. Rather than being so and then asking forgiveness, one has to make the conscious choice to not do it. And trusting God with your fertility is one of those things. One has to make a conscious choice to let God be in charge.
I'll tell you why that scares most people. Kids are expensive. But very rarely do I hear families saying "I can't afford this." Most of the time what I hear are stories of God's provision. I posted a long time ago about "Just enough." And often that's how it works. No, you probably won't be living in a huge house with enough bathrooms and plenty of room and always have the newest bestest this or that. But you will have "just enough." If you only put that faith and trust in God.
K, I'm done now, and so are the dishes, so I'm heading to bed.
The hard choices
Found this over on inashoe.com
Sometimes, the choices we face in life are harder than we can even imagine.
http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2009/03/woot.html
Sometimes, the choices we face in life are harder than we can even imagine.
http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2009/03/woot.html
Thursday, July 3, 2008
A Story of God's Provision
Originally posted Friday June 27 on Mrs. S.
When DH decided to go back to school, way back in August, I was hesitant. I've lived on student loans before and know how hard that is to do. I respectfully told him that he needed to try to find a part time job to do while in school, and then I supported him wholeheartedly.
Of course, he could'nt find a part time job. Being unwilling to flip burgers (which I really do understand), part time jobs were few and far between where we live. When we'd get student loan payments, I'd stock up on food, we'd pay a few month's bills, and go forth. Between loans, a private loan, DH's fire department incentive check (paid out yearly) and our tax return, we managed to stay afloat. Our stimulus payment actually made a huge difference for us.
When DH started this class, the class was told that our local utility company would be taking the top five graduates. As the year progressed, that number dropped, but as DH was in the top two, he felt assured of getting a job once he graduated.
Well, he didn't get a job in that field when he graduated. Oh, we could have had a job if we'd have been willing to move, but we're not. Week after week DH would drive into Trinidad and job search, spending precious money on gas. We did not budget for additional time off work. Teach ME to count my chickens before they hatch!
So we tightened our belts a little more. Kind of hard to do when you're seemingly on the last notch, but we did it. DH finally found a job, making far less than he would have in the field he just graduated school in, but money is money. He started on the sixteenth. They pay every week, so his first payday is today.
We're pretty much down to no money. The child support I'm supposed to receive has been sporadic, but a garnishment order was put in place last month, but we were pretty behind already by the point that I started receiving money, so that was pretty quickly spent. We had a disconnect order on our gas/sewer/water. Trash wasn't picked up yesterday, cause we haven't paid them since April. Electric company wants some money.
Last night, I used the almost last potatoes we had. I have enough to cook for tonight's meal. While looking at that pile of potatoes, I realized-God had given us JUST ENOUGH to make it to DH's first actual payday in 10 months. JUST ENOUGH.
Not only does DH get paid today, but I got more child support money today. We have payment arrangements made on gas/sewer/water. Trash will be paid off. Electric company will get a big chunk of money. Not paid off, but enough (they don't do payment arrangements) that we won't be in danger of getting cut off. We can make a payment on our phone bill. And we can buy some much needed groceries. WE have enough credit built up with the landlord that we can use that to pay July's rent.
Ahhh, God is good!
When DH decided to go back to school, way back in August, I was hesitant. I've lived on student loans before and know how hard that is to do. I respectfully told him that he needed to try to find a part time job to do while in school, and then I supported him wholeheartedly.
Of course, he could'nt find a part time job. Being unwilling to flip burgers (which I really do understand), part time jobs were few and far between where we live. When we'd get student loan payments, I'd stock up on food, we'd pay a few month's bills, and go forth. Between loans, a private loan, DH's fire department incentive check (paid out yearly) and our tax return, we managed to stay afloat. Our stimulus payment actually made a huge difference for us.
When DH started this class, the class was told that our local utility company would be taking the top five graduates. As the year progressed, that number dropped, but as DH was in the top two, he felt assured of getting a job once he graduated.
Well, he didn't get a job in that field when he graduated. Oh, we could have had a job if we'd have been willing to move, but we're not. Week after week DH would drive into Trinidad and job search, spending precious money on gas. We did not budget for additional time off work. Teach ME to count my chickens before they hatch!
So we tightened our belts a little more. Kind of hard to do when you're seemingly on the last notch, but we did it. DH finally found a job, making far less than he would have in the field he just graduated school in, but money is money. He started on the sixteenth. They pay every week, so his first payday is today.
We're pretty much down to no money. The child support I'm supposed to receive has been sporadic, but a garnishment order was put in place last month, but we were pretty behind already by the point that I started receiving money, so that was pretty quickly spent. We had a disconnect order on our gas/sewer/water. Trash wasn't picked up yesterday, cause we haven't paid them since April. Electric company wants some money.
Last night, I used the almost last potatoes we had. I have enough to cook for tonight's meal. While looking at that pile of potatoes, I realized-God had given us JUST ENOUGH to make it to DH's first actual payday in 10 months. JUST ENOUGH.
Not only does DH get paid today, but I got more child support money today. We have payment arrangements made on gas/sewer/water. Trash will be paid off. Electric company will get a big chunk of money. Not paid off, but enough (they don't do payment arrangements) that we won't be in danger of getting cut off. We can make a payment on our phone bill. And we can buy some much needed groceries. WE have enough credit built up with the landlord that we can use that to pay July's rent.
Ahhh, God is good!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Giving It Up To God
I hear this often. "I gave it up to God" or "I'm giving it up to God". As in, I surrendered. Whatever the issue is, I surrendered it. I acknowledge that God, not myself, is in control, and only He can influence the outcome, and I shouldn't worry, because what happens is His will, whether I agree with it or not.
Boy, this is one I have a hard time with. I have spent the majority of my life as a non-Christian. I won't say non-believer, because I did believe in something, but I was on the wrong path. I believed that Christ was a great, generous prophet, but not that He was my savior. Lots of things led me to see where I was wrong, including some wonderful ladies over at Mrs. Survival, some hard and fast prayer by my grandma Pearl, and the death of my father.
Well, it wasn't really the death of my father. I had already started thinking seriously about the Savior aspect of Christ when my dad died. My dad was one that didn't really talk about religion, but I knew he wasn't saved, and he wouldn't step foot in a church. He was a GOOD man. He was actually my step father, but he was my father in every way that counted. It came much to my surprise that my mom and dad had, together, started going to church. The pastor that presided over the service was the pastor from that church, and he obviously didn't know my dad too well yet, but he spoke well of him. But still, one can attend church every Sunday and not be truly saved.
A few weeks after the funeral, I was talking with my mom. She mentioned that dad had told Grandma Pearl (his mom) that he had been saved-just a few weeks before he died. Dad was a truck driver, and a lot of the big truck stops have non-denominational Sunday services, which dad had apparently been attending. I wish I knew where he'd been, because I'd like to find the pastor that finally opened the door for him, and give him a gigantic hug. When Dad died, it was his THIRD heart attack. I'm thinking God really wanted him in Heaven.
Anyway, I digress. Notice I do that alot? There I go, digressing again. Anyway...giving it up to God.
I have a hard time with this. Part of it was being a non-Christian. Part of it was having to be so self reliant most of my life. I was not really ever in a position for someone to help me if things went wrong. And a lot went wrong. Not hugely wrong, just the type of wrong that comes in dribs and drabs and eventually starts to pile up, like dog poo in the back yard.
So now, that I'm a Christian, I have a hard time giving things up to God. Surrendering to His almighty will. Just simply letting go. I have periods of time where I can do it, and periods where it just doesn't happen. So I"ve been sitting here trying to figure out why.
I've been reading Laine's Letters. That reminds me, I need to add that site to the links. Oooh, digressing again. There was a letter there about dying to self. Having a servant attitude. Ultimately, we all serve Him, but we also have to have the attitude to be a servant to others. To gain this attitude, we must do away with pride.
PRIDE! DUH! There is my issue. Because I've had to handle so much on my own (because I chose to, rather than coming to God), I still believe that I am the one best suited to handle things. I need to overcome my pride to be able to surrender to God's mercies.
But that brings up several questions, the first and foremost being, how does one overcome pride? By repenting it, of course...which brings us right back round to the original issue, right? Well, not necessarily. I found this great devotional which really brings the issue home. All I need to do is suppress my pride. I have to CHOOSE not to be prideful. It, like most other things in my life, is an ongoing struggle. It requires a change in thinking and a change in attitude, but I must train myself to do this. It will not happen on its own. There won't be some glorious lifting of pride from my heart and mind. It will take hard work on my part, including some leaning on God.
But by training myself to be less prideful, I will be much more willing to Give It Up To God. By realizing that the things in my life aren't done by me, aren't influenced by me, aren't ordained by my hand, surrendering will start to come naturally. Living my life in Surrender to God will be the way I live, not the way I know I should live. God brought me here, God will walk with me to the end, and be there every step along the way. I need to discard my pride and simply let Him lead.
So my prayers tonight will include a plea for God's help in discarding my pride, and letting him direct my life. Thank you, Almighty Father, for showing me the way!
Boy, this is one I have a hard time with. I have spent the majority of my life as a non-Christian. I won't say non-believer, because I did believe in something, but I was on the wrong path. I believed that Christ was a great, generous prophet, but not that He was my savior. Lots of things led me to see where I was wrong, including some wonderful ladies over at Mrs. Survival, some hard and fast prayer by my grandma Pearl, and the death of my father.
Well, it wasn't really the death of my father. I had already started thinking seriously about the Savior aspect of Christ when my dad died. My dad was one that didn't really talk about religion, but I knew he wasn't saved, and he wouldn't step foot in a church. He was a GOOD man. He was actually my step father, but he was my father in every way that counted. It came much to my surprise that my mom and dad had, together, started going to church. The pastor that presided over the service was the pastor from that church, and he obviously didn't know my dad too well yet, but he spoke well of him. But still, one can attend church every Sunday and not be truly saved.
A few weeks after the funeral, I was talking with my mom. She mentioned that dad had told Grandma Pearl (his mom) that he had been saved-just a few weeks before he died. Dad was a truck driver, and a lot of the big truck stops have non-denominational Sunday services, which dad had apparently been attending. I wish I knew where he'd been, because I'd like to find the pastor that finally opened the door for him, and give him a gigantic hug. When Dad died, it was his THIRD heart attack. I'm thinking God really wanted him in Heaven.
Anyway, I digress. Notice I do that alot? There I go, digressing again. Anyway...giving it up to God.
I have a hard time with this. Part of it was being a non-Christian. Part of it was having to be so self reliant most of my life. I was not really ever in a position for someone to help me if things went wrong. And a lot went wrong. Not hugely wrong, just the type of wrong that comes in dribs and drabs and eventually starts to pile up, like dog poo in the back yard.
So now, that I'm a Christian, I have a hard time giving things up to God. Surrendering to His almighty will. Just simply letting go. I have periods of time where I can do it, and periods where it just doesn't happen. So I"ve been sitting here trying to figure out why.
I've been reading Laine's Letters. That reminds me, I need to add that site to the links. Oooh, digressing again. There was a letter there about dying to self. Having a servant attitude. Ultimately, we all serve Him, but we also have to have the attitude to be a servant to others. To gain this attitude, we must do away with pride.
PRIDE! DUH! There is my issue. Because I've had to handle so much on my own (because I chose to, rather than coming to God), I still believe that I am the one best suited to handle things. I need to overcome my pride to be able to surrender to God's mercies.
But that brings up several questions, the first and foremost being, how does one overcome pride? By repenting it, of course...which brings us right back round to the original issue, right? Well, not necessarily. I found this great devotional which really brings the issue home. All I need to do is suppress my pride. I have to CHOOSE not to be prideful. It, like most other things in my life, is an ongoing struggle. It requires a change in thinking and a change in attitude, but I must train myself to do this. It will not happen on its own. There won't be some glorious lifting of pride from my heart and mind. It will take hard work on my part, including some leaning on God.
But by training myself to be less prideful, I will be much more willing to Give It Up To God. By realizing that the things in my life aren't done by me, aren't influenced by me, aren't ordained by my hand, surrendering will start to come naturally. Living my life in Surrender to God will be the way I live, not the way I know I should live. God brought me here, God will walk with me to the end, and be there every step along the way. I need to discard my pride and simply let Him lead.
So my prayers tonight will include a plea for God's help in discarding my pride, and letting him direct my life. Thank you, Almighty Father, for showing me the way!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
So What Is A Modern Traditional Wife, Anyway?
Well, that is a good question!
Here’s my take on the matter:
First and foremost, she has a healthy relationship with God. Maybe she hasn’t always, but she does now.
She also has a healthy relationship with her husband. In fact, she would probably consider herself submissive to her husband. Now, I don’t mean submissive in that “I’m weak, please do whatever you want to me because it’s not my place to stick up for myself or my children” kind of way, or in that (ahem) other kind of way that always seems to show up when you google “Wifely submission”. What I mean is that her husband is, in all respects, the man of the family. While he may not make all the decisions, and he may not make any major decisions without talking to her about it (and probably praying a lot, too), he is the Head of the family. She submits to him in subtle, meaningful ways, that raise up his standing to the children and in the community. She may, in most things, stand on an even level with him-for example, my husband considers us partners. But in our partnership, we both have responsibilities, and as his are far greater than mine could ever be, I do what I can to make his life easier.
She usually has children, or wants them. Mothering is an important part of her identity.
She is often college educated, but stays at home to care for her husband and children. I have worked, but I don’t any longer.
She is frugal, often by necessity. Living in today’s society on one stable income, is difficult. She may bring in some money with a bit of cottage industry, but it’s usually not a constant, so she has had to learn to budget for everything.
She isn’t a perfect wife or mother, although sometimes she struggles with feeling like she should be (more on THAT in a later post or twelve!).
She is more than content, she is happy in her role as helpmeet to her husband, mother to her children, keeper of her home. That’s not to say she walks through life with a Stepford like smile on her face, with fresh baked cookies at the ready, able to whip up gourmet meals or mudpies without getting her apron soiled. She is capable of thinking for herself, forgets to buy stuff at the store, is sometimes too tired for sex, and still needs a good cry once in awhile. Not because she’s sad, but because that’s the way we’re wired. She faces trials and challenges, disappointment and struggle, and not always with a smile on her face. But she does face them, head on, because she has a quiet strength inside that comes from many places-her relationships with God and her husband, her friends and her children. Her desire to take care of her family, and her own self worth. She also has joys beyond count, rewards beyond measure, and hugs to share.
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