Weight Loss

OK, I'm going out on a limb here.

I need to lose weight-badly. I currently weigh 266, with a BMI of 48.6.

Posting this on my blog is hard for me. I know I'm setting myself up for negative commentary, which will be self destructive. But I'm also hoping I'll see some support from this, which is something I greatly need. I need help, God, and I'm hoping I'll see some from here.

I've always struggled with my weight. ALWAYS. Childhood pictures show a chubby little girl with an awful haircut. While I was active in my teen years, which did help me to lose some weight, the only time I was really "skinny" was when I had a drug problem. Yes, I am an addict, with 17 years clean and sober.

I was still fairly thin after I gave birth to Aimee. I knew I needed to lose that baby weight, and went jogging with her dad one night. I didn't make it far, and he laughed at me. Yeah, that's cold and insensitive, but he was 18, so I give him a break for that. But it did harm my self-esteem. I did lose some weight, but not all of it, but that was OK. My weight stayed fairly reasonable for several years. I was overweight, but still not obese.

I don't think I lost much of my Saren baby weight at all, and then I got pregnant with Nikki when he was just 15 months old. I didn't lose much of her weight, either.

Now, I didn't gain a lot of weight while pregnant. With all of my pregnancies, I have actually lost weight. Doctors and midwives have all agreed that healthier eating, paired with more exercise to prepare for birth have contributed, and as I had lost, babies had gained. My midwife with Nikki did get worried at one point, because part of the problem with her was that even putting something in my mouth such as a bite of food, would trigger nausea. I had a LOT of protein shakes with Nikki! But in the end of each pregnancy I would finally gain weight-and never lost it. I had some good nursing babies, and that still didn't help with weight loss.

I also had Aria and Roan very close together, they are 17 months apart.

Pair that with a job, working at home, in which I sat, all day, in front of the computer. Oh sure, I got up-to get something to drink or to go to the bathroom. My weight slowly increased, through time and pregnancies, to what it is now-which is, interestingly enough, less than I weighed when I got pregnant with Roan.

As with any life issue, you have to be ready, really and truly ready, for it to do any good. Well, I am really and truly ready, and here's why:

I have frequent blood sugar crashes throughout the day.
I am 35-and not getting any younger (despite my original typo that said 25)
I am at risk for diabetes, heart disease, and a myriad of other health issues.
I want to be around to play with my grandbabies.
A friend of Larry's, who had recently had a huge weight loss over the last year, and was really getting in shape, went into the hospital for a minor issue-and had a heart attack during treatment. He's getting in great shape, losing weight, doing everything right, and he still has a heart attack-at 35. Thank God he was in the hospital at the time.

So here I am. Committed to weight loss. I'm hearing all over the place that decreasing your body weight by just 10% can cut your risk of diabetes by as much as 58%. So that gives me some interesting thoughts. Wanting to lose 100 pounds is HUGE. It seems unattainable. At a steady loss of 2 pounds per week, that's a year. And I actually need to lose at least 120. So that's MORE than a year. That's HUGE.

But...

But...

If I set smaller goals, it seems much more attainable. For example, my current goal is to lose 27 pounds by September 5. That, I can handle. It's reasonable, it's not some insurmountable mountain of FAT. It's a small mountain of fat.

And the bonus is this. If I lose those 27 pounds, I will weigh 239. My NEXT goal will be only 24 pounds, which will take LESS time to achieve. Being able to reach goals in shorter amounts of time will help to keep me motivated. 14 weeks for my first goal, but only 12 for my next one, 11 for the one after that, and so on.

So, how am I going to do this?

1. Lower the amount of sugar in my tea. I drink a LOT of sweet tea-like 2 gallons a day. Yeah, I pee a lot LOL. I had been doing 1 cup of sugar per gallon of tea, but I've already cut that down to 3/4 cup, and will cut out more each week. I will add mint to my tea, to make it taste sweeter without as much sugar.
2. Lower the amount of tea I drink. I will be making it a priority to sub some of my tea for water. Now, I drink a lot of tea because our small town water has a funky taste. So, to sub the tea for water involves buying bottled water. So that will be slow, until DH finds a job, but it will get done.
3. Portion control. I have already started out this week, measuring my food. It was pretty sad last night, looking at half a cup of mashed potatoes on my plate. Portion control has worked for breakfast and lunch. Dinner, not so much, so when I eat dinner, I finish my plate, then sit for 20 minutes before I can get seconds. That way I can make sure I'm actually still hungry before getting more food (and I have to REALLY want it if I'm willing to eat it cold, LOL, we don't have a microwave).
4. Better food choices. I hate eating my veggies. I'm awful at it. But I'm doing it, and must finish my veggies before getting seconds.
5. Eating when I'm hungry. Yes, eating when I'm hungry. Back before the days of refrigeration, world wide shipping, and nearby supermarkets, we ate what we had available or could find. That meant that sometimes, you went hungry-if you didn't save enough food until next harvest, or butcher enough meat to get you through until you could hunt or butcher again. When you saw that your food reserves weren't going to hold out, you started rationing food. So you existed on less. So your body learned to hold on to any existing fat cells in times when it wasn't fed what it needed. That continues in our bodies today. If you don't eat, your body goes into starvation mode, and won't let go of those fat cells that it believes are necessary for your survival. so I will take a few bites of applesauce or have a couple of saltines when I'm hungry.
6. Moving more. As you other busy moms know, working out is something we know we need to do, but most of us don't get to do. You'd think that chasing kids and carrying laundry and doing the dishes would be moving-and it is. Every hour of housework counts as 1 mile of exercise. But, you've in all likelihood hit a plateau. Unless you're doing heavier than normal housework, you're not moving enough to lose weight. I know that's my problem. I do try to go on walks. I plan to go on a walk every single day. But it takes 20 minutes to get everyone and everything ready and load the stroller, and another 20 minutes to get everything packed away when you get home. So an hour walk takes up almost 2 hours of your day. That's time a lot of us don't have. but, a friend of ours who is moving has GIVEN us his exercise bike. Well, we don't have it yet, which is OK, cause we don't have ROOM for it yet, but we'll have it. So I can bike whenever I have a spare moment, and for a dedicated 20 minutes a day, without having to load up everything and everyone to go. I think this activity will have a HUGE impact. I can FIND 20 minutes-I can't find 2 hours every day.
7. LOTS of prayer. Prayer to resist temptation, prayers of praise for when I do resist that tempting little cupcake, prayer to hold me up when I'm having a hard time of it-and I know that will come.

Larry is being very supportive. A few weeks back, we were discussing my need to lose weight, and he said "Babe, you're not fat, you're pleasantly plump." Well, that was sweet. It said to me that he doesn't care about my weight in terms of appearance. He loves me even when I'm fat-and I so love that about him. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. But, it also doesn't address the issue. I told him "I'm not pleasantly plump, I'm morbidly obese and if I don't lose the weight I'm going to die." Flat out, no BS. I told him how much I appreciated him saying what he said, that it gave me a very positive image of myself in his eyes, but that I need to lose the weight for my health. Not to look better, but FOR MY HEALTH. He then realized what I was saying. I don't think he had ever previously even had a concept of life without me. I would always be there. And for that mindset to continue for him, he needs to be supportive of my weight loss. I may not always be here, but he needs to have that mindset in his head-it grounds him and gives him strength. He needs that. Ahh, but I'm digressing again. But the closer I come to a healthy weight, the more likely it is that I WILL actually be here 40 years from now, when he's a dirty old man in a wheelchair trying to get nurses to sit in his lap and I'm denying that I need glasses to read a book.

But last night, I mentioned that I hadn't had any blood sugar crashes since I started this, on Tuesday. I think both cutting some sugar and eating when I'm hungry have contributed to that. And he said the sweetest words I could hear coming out of his mouth: "I'm so proud of you!" That makes me feel even more warm and fuzzy. We, as wives, need uplifting from our husbands just as they need uplifting from us. We need reality, but we also need uplifting. That support from him meant just as much to me as it possibly could have. Ahhh, what a man I've got!

OK, it's late and I need to get some breakfast and get the kids up.