Am I Still the Modern Traditional Wife?

We’ve been having a slight crisis here lately, which is a large part of why I haven’t been writing as much.

It’s a crisis probably no different than the one going on with thousands, if not millions, of families in America today. We need more income. My wonderful husband works hard, but there’s just not enough money to do what needs to be done.

Now, I have long been an advocate of cutting down on your bills and changing your lifestyle to make it possible for one parent to stay at home. It doesn’t necessarily have to be mom; although in many marriages dad has the higher earning potential, that is not always the case. There have been times when I have worked that I have made more money than my husband. If this is not going to cause issues within the marriage, it’s perfectly acceptable that mom work and dad stay home. Having someone be home with the children, whether it’s home all day with smaller children or available to see the children off to school and be there when they get home, it’s essential, in my belief, that someone be there for the children. Further, when you figure the cost of both parents working, it can be economical for one parent to stay home, between clothes, commuting expenses, and child care.

In our case, though, and I suspect in a lot of other families, we can’t cut expenses any more. We don’t have cable or satellite TV-in fact, we currently only get one channel. We live in a three bedroom apartment. While we have two vehicles, only one of them is running, and it needs a new transmission. Aimee needs new glasses-and we can’t afford to replace them. Our budget currently does not allow for the purchase of one important basic: food.

Now, we’re not starving. I have a lot of food stocked up, because I am a prepper. So what we actually have to buy is minimal. But those supplies won’t last forever. We have beans at least one night a week, and we’re limiting our meat consumption as much as possible.

So the bottom line is, I have to work. There has to be more income brought into the household. To that end, I have accepted a job that starts October 1, as the administrative assistant for the fire department. Yes, the same one that I dispatch for. I have been doing various administrative tasks since I started dispatching, because I’m here all week and our current AA is only here two days a week, and it was a universal decision that it would be sensible to offer me the job. Larry and I discussed it, and prayed about it, and decided that this was the best option for our family.

We were lucky to find a great daycare that is within our price range and will take Roan and Aria part time. Should something come up, she will take Saren and Nikki as well. I will be working 20 hours a week for the fire department. After daycare expenses, I will be adding about $560 each month to our household budget. We won’t incur additional gas costs, because I will walk to daycare and work. We may need to get rides if the weather is especially cold or if the ground is too muddy. I can budget $10 per week for this-far less expensive than it would be for me to drive to Trinidad to work. I will need clothes, but we do most of our shopping at the thrift store, so I don’t forsee a large clothing expenditure. A few weeks ago, we went to the thrift store to find Saren some pants, and they were having a bag sale; I got 4 pairs of pants for Saren, two for Aimee, a few odds and ends for the other children, and several work outfits and jeans for me-all for $30. I need to be dressed nicely, but certainly not in the most current fashions. I understand that it is necessary in some professions to be dressed in expensive, or at least expensive looking, stylish clothing-in my job I can make due with several pairs of slacks, the 4 long skirts I already own, and an assortment of nice blouses, and be set for three or four weeks of work outfits. I do need a few more blouses, and I could use one more pair of black elastic waist pants for “those” days, but other than that, I am good to go. I have an entire work wardrobe for $20, and I’ll only need to spend a small amount more to fill it out. While replacing clothing will be necessary, I will be looking to do that while thrift store shopping or on ebay.

My schedule at the fire department is flexible. If I can’t work a particular day, I can simply switch it for another day, as long as it doesn’t happen too often. I can even permanently switch the days I’m there. I’m allowed to do eight hours of the 20 I get a week from home. So once the littles are in bed, I can do things that can get done on the computer.

But what about that Modern Traditional Wife? Traditionally, the wife doesn’t work. The Proverbs 31 wife created commerce at home, while still managing the home and raising the children. Well, I’m not so sure about the raising the children part. The Proverbs 31 wife would have had staff in her home; specific mention is made of her providing for her maidens. Certainly, she would have been managing her home, and been paramount in the raising of her children. A commentary by Matthew Henry suggests that the Proverbs 31 wife would have been doing work proper for her-women’s work, he says.

But what does that mean in modern times? How do we reconcile being traditional with needing to provide an additional income for our household? For me, being modern has usually meant, well, now that I’m typing it, I don’t know. I have worked in the past, outside of the home, out of necessity; but my life was much different then. I wasn’t a Christian, and while I believe that even then I fit most of the ideals of the Proverbs 31 wife, work was important. My career, as it was, was important to me. Not more important than my family, but I enjoyed the identity of being a working woman.

Of course, I’ve enjoyed the identity of being a Godly woman as well. But are being a Godly woman and being a working woman mutually exclusive? I feel genuinely conflicted about stepping outside of my role in my home. Enjoying my identity as a working woman just reeks of pride to me. Something that I’ve tried very hard to put aside, in my quest to be closer to God.

So, I guess that’s a question I’ll have to figure out along the way. Maybe find a few people wiser than me to ask. I will let you know how I fare on that one.

In the meantime, I guess the sphere of my blog will be changing a bit. Trying to find the answers to questions like the ones above, trying to balance working and still maintaining my traditional role at home. How the kidlets are faring. Stuff like that. Hopefully I’ll figure it out along the way. I hope you take the journey with me.